Welcome crushedupstars I'm glad you decided to join. I know for me meds are 60% of the equation. I'm from Canada, so I don't have any advice regarding affording meds, but there are options from what I have read on other posts.

I have been diagnosed since 2007 and was in-patient when I received my diagnosis. What has helped me to manage the BP (other than meds) is keeping myself on a schedule, eating properly, therapy and educating myself on BP. I have read many, many books on BP. Tracking my mood and journaling also helps. Here is a link to great free online mood tracker: http://www.medhelp.org/land/mood-tracker

I hope you can find a way to get meds. I think it's horrible if a person wants to take meds, but can't because of insurance issues. It disgusts me. If you don't feel your ready for therapy, that's okay. I have had to take breaks as well. When we have stuffed traumatic things for many years when it starts coming to the surface it can definitely be overwhelming.