Marjan: thanks for the encouraging words. Yes, I am going to try all you described as I know as much as I am so depressed and don't feel like it i must force myself so that i will feel better. the discouraging part is that this is why it took me seven years to really trust again...because I too have been hurt so many times...and yet here again it happened and i didn't even see this one coming. i just hope i don't waste more years out of fear of being hurt like this again, because it is the worst feeling ever.