Ingridave2, I cannot speak for your son, but I can share my own experience with my sone. My youngest ahs always been a hermit. From the time he was very young. I was worried about him for a long time. I later found out that his intellect was above those his age. He was drawn to conversation with older kids, but they shunned him as a "kid". He would look after the very young, and play with them at the swings or protect them from bullies, but he said kids his age were boreing and stupid.
As a young man he became very withdrawn and stayed in his room and stayed online all the time. His sleep schedule was messed up all the time, he seldom ate or talked.
I finally ( @ age 23) set a deadline for him to have a job and then one for him being out of the house. I explained that I was crippling him, by what I thought was help. I told him he was past the time of being a man and needed to laern to depend on himself.
It was very emotional; for me and him....I have always been a "mother hen". He is now working full time and driving...something he refused to do...and I learned yesterday that he has a love interest.
I even learned of him driving down to Houston for his job, in a company van, I was awed....my nervous little hermit is finally becoming a man, but i had to let go...I was strangling him in the name of helping him....I had to back off.
Not sure if you can relate to any of this, but it might help.
Good luck and you are in my prayers.