I went out with him last night....We went for a sushi in one of the city up north....We were like teenagers....kissing and cuddling....trying to hide from people's eyes and just be together.....love that....I really like this guy, but still I need more time to be relaxed and to trust....so far so good....no complain really....I think I'm growing up too and I don't let myself to get upset for little things like before....

He will be away this weekend....He said he's going to Colorado with his friends....He really didn't give me that much info....he said he's going for a job, but he will stay there with a friend that he has there.....whatever really....It came across my mind that he can lie to me and he can go with another girl....but why should I bother myself at this stage even? It's been just the third date....There is no relationship and I have to just enjoy my time....so I let it go...I let those thoughts to leave me....and they left....I thought as much as he has rights to meet others, I do have rights to meet others too....plus, do I want to be his only selection or do I want to be his choice? I prefer to be selected between bunch of girls....I want to be the one not just him not having any girl then I'm the only one....but anyway, it will hurt if I think he's going out with somebody else....better to not fuel the bad thoughts....

I like the way he's holding me and he can't get his hands off from me....that's great....and I felt so good in his arms, I could fall asleep....I feel totally me, I don't act at all...that's very new to me....I usually act when I like somebody and that's a bummer.....I was totally relax with him.....

The other things is that he doesn't call me and that's not what I like....I told him last night, I said I want to hear your voice, why don't you call me? I don't know when it's good to call you.....he said oh I will call you although it's not my thing....I said I don't want to force you to call me, but it's good to hear your voice....and I dropped the conversation there.....I really don't have energy to discuss all about these stuff....If he doesn't want to, I can't force it to happen.....

He said he wants to spend a weekend together....and yes, I do want to do that too....but honesty I'm so scared to do so.....I'm scared to get into xxx so quickly....that's why I'm avoiding myself to invite him over to my home....I don't want to show him the green light....It's too early....I need to know him more....I need to build up my relationship first....I don't want to jump into xxx.....I've done that before and it's not a good approach at all....that makes me so connected to the guy, then that's the part which is hurtful if the relationship doesn't work.....I know it's been a long time that I didn't have that type of affection and I'm young and needy in that department, but my goal is different....I prefer a long term commitment rather than just one night stand.....I can't do that to myself.....and I won't.....It was so easy for me to get disconnected from Kevin, because there was no x between us, verses Aaron....It took me almost a year and a half to get over him....

I bought a book "Power of Now"....I know it's very popular for years, never really got into it, but the other day I felt I need to learn how to stay focus in the present moment....I read couple of chapters and it's good....

I haven't checked the dating site almost for a week now, because I was afraid if he sees me online, but I want to...I do have some emails from guys and I'm curious to check them out....I really like him and deep down in my heart I think he's the one....that gut feelings....but still it's very soon to predict.....

What do you guys suggest? Should I check the online dating site? I paid for the 6 months already....hehehe....

It's interesting when my girlfriend was dating her husband...she told me that I see him still getting on the online dating site that they met....I asked her if she gets upset....she laughed at me and she said it's better he gets online and not find anything, he will get back to me stronger.....she was so confident and she didn't care at all....then the cards were on her side....if she had girls out with us, Anthony was texting her constantly, she was laughing saying that poor guy thinks all guys are around us right now and he's worry....hehehe....she was not fueling his fears but she was not giving him so much comfort at the same time either.....and the funny part was that we were in the restaurant with no attention of any guys really around us.....hehehe.....

anyway, sorry guys for a long post.....I really needed to get everything out from my head....you can just ignore my post

Love you all
Marjan