My pdoc doesn't normally do therapy, and I can really understand why, the guy has all the therapeutic warmth of a dead fish, but since my last "crisis" he's insisted on seeing me weekly - last month it was for an hour, thankfully now it's been dropped down to just half an hour for the rest of the summer. But today we started talking a little bit about the accident and how ambivalent about it I felt. I'd told him about a previous incident 15 years ago when something just came over me when I was driving and I deliberately ran a red.

So then I had to ask him if he knew anything about ego state theory, and he said not much, so I wound up trying to explain it to him and what I'm doing with my T with EMDR to try and heal and integrate my younger vulnerable ego states, at least one of whom is always suicidal. I felt like such a freak. It was all horrible and awkward and scary and all the little me's felt threatenned like I was betraying them by talking about them.

Fortunately the session ended pretty quickly.

I'm actually really relieved that I'm going IP next week and don't have to see him. He still wants to see me in 2 weeks though.

I just honestly don't get why some people go into psychiatry.

--splitimage