idk if it will help, but personally i would try to fill my life with things that brought me feelings of acceptance, attention and being adequate. It isn't being sick you crave, or even the attention.. it's whatever it means to you. What does the attention bring you? WHat does it make you feel? WHen do you feel that from other things? When have you felt that before without being sick.

It may be true that much-needed attention came when you were sick and not otherwise, which is sad and unfortunate, but once you know that you have to decide what to do about it.

try focusing on the same sorts of exercises and books meant for those with anxiety/OCD. Learn to calm yourself. Get a book like Mind over Mood to help learning how to manage the thought processes better.

whatever you do, stop seeing this as something bigger and stronger than you. YOU have the final power over what you do. It's hard, but you do.

So, even once you get some help, the core will consist of learning to manage your thoughts and feelings, learning how to calm and take control over thoughts/feelings that push you to do things that are destructive and then finding ways to get your emotional needs met in healthier means. You probably do need help doing it, but it doesn't have to wait until that help comes. Every single step you take now is one less to take later.

peace