Hi,

I started this post as a reply in another section of this forum, but then realized that this was probably a more appropriate place for it.

My Girlfriend has DID. I typed this originally as a response to someone asking if she was recently diagnosed.

No, she's not recently diagnosed. She's had this for a long time. We dated mopre than 18 years ago and she hinted at it then, but I never understood. We had a gap thwere we didn't see each other for over 18 years, then recently reconnected. Funny how life works sometimes. Our reconnection was instant once we found each other, as she was the one that I compared all of my relationships too, and I found that I was the same for her. We have a strong bond / connection.

Now I have gotten to know her much better than I did even before. She had mentioned her alters, and I realize now that they had come out before, but yesterday, her alter "Lisa" called me. It was not her (my GF Melissa). Melissa plans to leave her job, and basically her whole life, to move to my city to move in with me. Her alter (Lisa) told me that this was to much stress and it's killing her. The alter said that my GF is "hellbent" on making this work and making this move, but she is weak. The alter said she's the strong one that picks up all the pieces and all it'll take is putting doubt in her (my GF's) mind. Then the alter said if she moves to be with me, the stress will kill my GF, and if that happened, she (the alter) would die too. The alter was tough and mean, but the last part she broke down and cried just before she hung up. An hour later my GF called and had zero memory of the conversation.

My GF had mentioned the alters name to me before, but I don't think I really understood. I realize Lisa is part of my Melissa. A part that has helped her survive the horrible abuse she's endured as a child. I want to make peace with this Lisa. Altough she's the tough, strong one, I can tell she's scared about the changes in their lives. Lisa has told me that she doesn't like me and tells me I need to just walk away.

Another part of this situation is they are living in an abusive situation with a very abusive person, but this person provides for them financially. If she quits her job to move in with me, she feels she will have nothing. I have told her I will take care of everything financially if she needs me to. I'm not as wealthy as this abusive person, but I do well and we will be fine. However, she says she won't accept any financial help from me. The alter Lisa says this abusive person is stable and things should stay the same as they have been and I'm the one that is hurting Melissa, but I see the pain in Melissa's eyes and the things she's told me are horrific about her current situation.

Sorry for the long post, but I just wanted to know if anyone has any suggestions on how to approach this. I want to make peace with Lisa and assure her that there's a place for her too. I know this move will happen, but not for a few more months. But, those doubts from Lisa are causing a lot of stress. I mentioned to Melissa what Lisa had told me onc time, and that did not go well. I was told telling her would do more harm to her than good.

Is that the right thing to do? Make peace with her alter Lisa? At least try? If so, how would anyone suggest I go about it?

Is there anything I should avoid? For example, telling my GF Melissa about my conversation with alter Lisa, went very badly. I don't want to go through that or put her through that again.

I don't want to say something that might be a trigger.

Any advise would be helpful. I love this woman very much.