hi tallguy. it sounds like you had a pretty difficult upbringing. you might want to check out some of the literature for adult children of alcoholics (aca). it's a 12-step program. i'm not from an alcoholic family but i fit the description and found that program to be really, really helpful. one thing that happens in dysfunctional families is that the kids take on different roles in the family. it sounds like you've taken on the role of the "hero" who is one who is very accomplished and brings a sense of acceptability to the family. there are underlying problems though with each role. here are a couple of charts that gives a lot of good info on the various family roles. because of the problems you encountered in dealing with your mom it isn't surprising you are having a hard time with relationships with women. there is hope though. there is a lot of help out there if you want it. feel free to pm me if you want more info on ACA.