{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Bama}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I don't have any answers for you because I don't have any experience with illegal drugs. However, I can understand your pain, your dissapointment, your reasons.

Without getting into "religion," I can say that God will grant you Serenity when you let Him do it all for you. Sometimes, He brings us through some extremely difficult times to make us stronger. I don't know the WHY! It illudes me, too. Just have faith and exercise patience. You certainly have COURAGE, even if it feels that you don't.

Onward and Upward, Bama. You'll make it through.