I know what you mean about healthy ways to destress. I have to work on that too. One thing that really helps me is exercise and especially swimming. However, when you are really in the mire that just isn't feasible a lot of the time.
Another useful strategy for me is recording thoughts, feelings and experiences. I use an online journal. It helps me if I have put them down in writing to let them go. Does that sound like it might help?
Time alone is good too - sometimes I listen to a relaxations CD and that is useful.
Youa re right, it isn't fair. So much of what we experience isn't fair. And that hurts. I think you need to carry on acknowledging that things are not fair.
Again, be kind to yourself, Monty.

Caroline