Welcome.

I have noticed a theme to your posts on this thread you seem to want us to act as therapists and as you say analyze you. We cannot do that. once logged in even if there are any therapists and psychologists among us there is no professional work being practiced here. For that you need to find a "real world" therapist or counseling agency. For us to do what you keep asking of us would be a dangerious thing that could possibly lead to making you worse by missing some key elements in your symptoms, diagnosis and treatment plans, and we could also do un repairable damage by counteracting the plans your physician, psychiatrist and or psychologist have put in place specifically for you. support and resourses we give, practice therapy while on this website we dont do. Good luck to you.