So I'm on like my third mood stablizer (lithium) AND IT DOESN'T WORK!!!!

The one I was on before the lithium (invega) caused hormone problems and I was taken off of it PDQ. It gave me a small mass on my puitary gland that no one showed me where it is on my MRI. But the MRI still looks cool.

Then I wasn't in a habit of taking something like a mood stablizer twice a day when I was put on respidol (can't spell) so I don't even know if that worked.

I'm totally unstable, been told that there is a good chance that I won't get another p-doc (see THE P.A JUST DOESN'T SEEM TO CARE or something like that, it was started by me ). This isn't good for the 5 yr. old or for the boyfriend (also see AM I ASKING TOO MUCH? in relationships)

Totally feel like I could pop some heads off right now. Too bad my ex-husband isn't here or I would do it. Didn't go to kick-boxing last night because I thought the boyfriend was coming down, but he didn't. I could have really used some bag time. Might head to the mall and put a punching bag in lay-away and finish paying it off when I get my check from school. That way I don't have to worry about when the do-jo is open.

I have all this pent of anger, it feels like, and I usually go on a cleaning spree, you shuld so see my room. It's a mess, but I have no desire to clean it. Have the energy to do it and know it needs to be done, but don't want to. (I'll make myself do it as some point in time.)

It would be awesome if my parents would take my 5 yr old for the night, I hate when I'm like this around him. Very scared that I might loose it and hurt him cause (i hate admitting this) I've done that before. (But I did get help once I realized what was happening and we're in parenting classes, Parents as Teachers.)

I'm just so irritated and depressed and stressed and...... idk. I can't stand humans and I sure can't stand myself right now.