I used to get so angry when I would hear this question. It felt so much like blaming the victim. How could anyone dare to think that there was any benefit in a state of such pain.

After a long time, I came back to the question again and I saw it differently. Maybe the benefit is, it's familiar. You know how they say, better the devil you know, than the devil you don't know? Sitting by the water's edge, you can never drown. Inside the shell it's dark and there are protective walls. Even if it is lonely and painful at times, or most or all of th time. And maybe the big world outside looks too bright, too open, too scary, just by comparison.

But we were never meant to live in shells. The thing is to work away at it, till you can imagine a life that doesn't have a devil (not that life will ever be perfect, but not THAT level of pain, not that kind of pain). It takes a while to get there, and as Melba and others say, the work is sometimes confusing, uphill, start and stop, one forward and it seems like two back sometimes, but you can get there. And then - dance off in the sunshine. and T will smile too.