WAYS FOR MEN TO ANNOY WOMEN

Don't call back ever. Make sure that you told her that you would.

Lie. Get caught. Deny that you lied.

Never stop and ask for directions when you are lost.

Talk about yourself. All the time. Never ask about her.

Scratch yourself. Spit and flatuate in public.

Never fail to point out to her all of the attractive women nearby.

When she is venting, always offer a clear, concrete answer or solution with little feeling attached.

Memorize the following, "It's me. It really is. It's not you." "You're like a sister to me."

Forget anniversaries, birthdays, holidays and other special occasions.

Remember, you're a man. Therefore, it wasn't your fault.

WAYS FOR WOMEN TO ANNOY MEN

Never say what you actually mean. Assume that men are clairvoyant.

Be as ambiguous as possible. Master the phrase, "Oh, you know what I mean."

Cry. Cry often. Tell the man it is his fault.

Dredge up things that were said or done two weeks (or two years) ago.

Ask loaded questions. Examples: "Do I look fat in this outfit?" "what are your plans for tomorrow?"

Complain about how much he watches sports on television.

Hide the remote control unit. Tell him he lost it.

Blame everything on PMS and his total lack of feeling.

Over-analyze everything.

Make men guess what you want and then complain when they get it wrong.

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