I'm so sorry you feel so horrible for so long. I was in therapy for 9 years the last time, can identify with that feeling and the length of time. But it does get better! Think of it like a really long tunnel you have to travel through and that you're afraid of the dark Therapy does work though and when you get through the tunnel, the "other" side truly is that much better. Doesn't feel better the whole time through the tunnel, not until you get near the other opening and can see the grass and flowers and blue sky, etc.