Okay, so I am not really an old dog, I am only 31. BUT, I have already been to college once, and I am getting ready to go back. I spent six and a half years of my life in a college getting two degrees that I never wanted. College was a major nightmare to me. All I did was study, and my grades absolutely sucked! I had severe test anxiety and homework was a hot mess every night. I hated my classes and my teachers, and yes, my classmates too. I never had any friends and hardly every talked to anyone. I didn't know why until I was diagnosed with MDD and BP II about four years ago. After that, it all made perfect sense to me. I could go back and analyze my life and actually have a valid reason for doing the things that I had done. I know that my disorders are a major reason why my earlier college career was a disaster. Social phobias and paranoia, to name a few, all suck when you are 21 and don't know why you don't fit in. When you can read part of a textbook and know it like the back of your hand, and then flunk tests that took you an hour and a half to do?!? It all made sense to me.
Now, however, it's all coming back to me. I majored in Biology and Environmental Health Science the first time around, and I didn't much like it. This time, I am lucky enough to have the opportunity to go to school and study what I want, which is nursing. I can't wait. I am so excited, and all my biology classes count as transfer courses, so I didn't take them just for nothing. I just have one problem: What if the same thing happens again? I know that it won't be that bad b/c I know what's "wrong" with me and I am on meds, but that whole "it's happened before...it'll happen again" feeling is slowly creeping into my brain. I don't know what to do. Positive thinking isn't working anymore and I don't want to blow this chance to do something good and positive with my life. Does anyone have any advice or words of encouragement? Anything will be appreciated.