thank you for that, tree. You are so good about always reminding me there is a middle way. I get so black and white sometimes. Thank you.

Who knows what will happen over the weekend, but my plan for now is to do as peaches said and just go in there and let her know how I feel and that I'm wondering how it would be to take a break. We always talk about my diary card and whatever is on there first, and then she will attempt to make eye contact with me and ask me if I'm ready. We both know what she's asking if I'm ready for: trauma crap. I have always said yes, even when I didn't feel like I was. I think if I tell her in that moment, no, I'm not, she will listen and we can go from there.

I do worry sometimes that because my T is so goal-oriented and because DBT is a time-limited therapy it might make her push me harder than another T might. This can be both good and bad. I need some pushing sometimes. But I also need to feel like I'm ultimately in control of my therapy. If I didn't have this pervasive fear of therapy ending before I'm ready it would certainly change pretty much everything for me.

SAWE, lots of extra hugs for you. Sometimes all we can do is keep showing up, and that IS something. You're doing it and it's not easy.