Thank you all for your kind words.

My ex was indeed abusive - emotionally and mentally - to both me and my then 8 year old son. I think my fear is that if he crops up again he will hurt me again. But I know that he can't. I am too strong for that.

I think it was just the shock of seeing him on Facebook in his new role as a married woman that threw me so badly. (I know my pronouns are all screwy - this isn't an easy issue to handle with correct grammar.)

It's true, I loved him deeply and the only way I could cope after I asked him to leave was to run and hide. Apparently I didn't realize that I was still hiding. I know, rationally, that I don't have any reason to be afraid and that I have total power over who is in my life. I don't have to hide from anyone!

Fear is, of course, not rational. But now that I am becoming aware of where it is coming from, I can handle it better.

Thanks again all! For listening and understanding.

Cindy