Thank you everyone for your responses and kind thoughts.

Sleeps, I'm not blaming God or anyone for my relapse. I place blame where blame is due and that's at me. What I was trying to say about God is that I don't understand how he ALLOWS some things to happen. Not that it's his fault it's happening, but how it's allowed to happen.

(((((((((( Sept, mrb, GEM )))))))))) Thank you. This is so frickin' tough. My life is falling apart again and I'm so very scared to turn my life back around and live clean again. It's scary out there in this big world without having something to "help" you along the way when you're having a rough day, ya know? I WANT to quit using, more than anything. It's just so damned hard. If my boyfriend finds out I'm still using, he's going to break up with me and never speak to me again. If my mom and dad finds out, she's going to kick me out of the house. I'm risking so much by using and I know these risks, yet I keep taking them. What the hell is wrong with me?!

Allan, thank you. You don't come across as mean or rude or anything. I know you're just trying to help and sometimes brutal honesty is what it takes.