1) Compassion with firmness. I feel that he cares about me. But that compassion is like a good parent who will not allow me to just have my way.

2) Honesty with wisdom. I can see though lies and even "little" ones. I NEED my T to be honest with me. But I also need him to know when to NOT say something that could damage me further - even if it is the truth. For example, if I say something about how I am having SU thoughts, I need him to be honest and not be happy with me about it. I need his body language to show that what I am saying is not acceptable to him. But I need his words to not say what I think he is thinking which may be "If you do that, I will terminate your therapy." :-) ((sorry a bit of humor to make my point)). I need both at the same time. My T is fantastic about doing this. And I get it that it must take skill and experience to pull this off. Another reason I could never be a T!

3) Availability with boundaries. There have been times I needed my T to be there - and each time he was. But it was in his honest way within the context of his boundaries. There were times when I wanted T but did not need him and he stuck to his boundaries. I wasn't happy with that at all. I threw my fit. But it taught me lessons my parents never taught me. And now I am much stronger and no longer feel bad in my own life for setting personal boundaries. Also, I am far more open and available to the true needs of others at the same time.

I believe a good T teaches by example.