The truth of the matter is, Wendy, that it sucks, it's not fair, and why would you want to live the rest of your life like this? I hear you when your say you're a compliant patient as I am too. I echo you in that I have often thought that if this is what life is going to be like forever then i'm done. I don't want to play the game anymore. The profound depression is cruel and unusual punishment and there may be no amount of compliance or medication that will dull the pain. If there is, I have yet to find it. Every time I cycle down I think 'this is it, I have to end this' but yet I continue to put one foot in front of the other and get through it. I am also convinced that suicide will be my eventual end because at 27 I can't imagine doing this forever. I don't have any tremendous words of wisdom for you but I understand what you are saying. Sounds like so far putting one foot in front of the other has been working for you as well so just keep on like that for as long as you can. Maybe your T will have bettr suggestions when taking a step at a time becomes too much but whatever is working for you now, keep doing it. It's awesome you've come as far as you have, especially with your sobriety (Super Congrats for that!!!), and like I said... just take it a step at a time. Good luck getting all your medical/legal/housing trouble worked out. I'm glad you have a good treatment team to help you if you need it. Take good care and keep us posted.