Wow, muncie, your signature really says it all! Thank you for all the encouragement.

I'm still having trouble finding motivation to do things and I really don't know why.

And I'm so anxious because my T wants me to work on making eye contact with people which I'm terrible at. I don't even want to go out for a walk because of the chance that I might pass someone on the sidewalk and have to, heaven forbid, actually look at them. And I'm so ashamed of my appearance that I don't want to be seen, anyway.

Ugh! I'm so confused; why am I thinking this way again? It's like I'm sliding backwards all of a sudden.

Tomorrow, I'm really going to try to get out for more than 10 stupid seconds. No matter how ugly I think I look. No matter how afraid I am. No matter how painful it is. I need to do something. I can't just sit back after working so hard--going through inpatient care for goodness sakes--to let myself slip back into old habits.

This is all so crazy! I hate this. I hate being like this. I am so wound up and frustrated and I know that I really, really have to do something more but I'm completely terrified even at the thought of going someplace... but I'll go. No more excuses. Because someday, I can get better... right?