I've been pretty sad lately and I'm having a hard time putting my finger on the why.
I'm pretty sure it's because I'm not applying myself and I'm disappointed in me.
I wish I didn't have social anxiety. I'm so weird!
I'm not a bad person. I have trouble expressing myself and I have trouble trusting people. That doesn't make me a bad person. Not bad enough to isolate myself like I have been.
I'm a nice person. I'm caring, honest, loyal, goofy, generous and I take care of my personal hygiene.
I can get a little moody when I'm feeling insecure but it's not like I get violent or aggressive or anything. I get a little pissy-okay? It's not that horrible.
But I imprison myself like I'm some kind of axe murderer or something and have sentenced myself to a hermit life style.
Why?
Because some people couldn't handle my pissiness and were mean to me. Who cares? Who are they anyway? Anyone who doesn't get a little pissy every now and then is kind of strange to me anyway.
Why shouldn't I hold my head up high and why shouldn't I feel just as special as I think everyone else is?
I have a lot to offer.
I don't get it.
I'm alone because I've made myself alone-not because people don't want to be around me. It's because I've choosen not to be around other people.
So, it's not like people DON'T want to be around me.
That's it. That's why I'm feeling sad.
I need to get out more. I really do like people. They get on my nerves sometimes but I get on their nerves, too.
I want to stop hiding. I want to live. I want to quit being so darn hard on myself. I want to stop picking at everything I do and say.
I'm really not a bad person. I love me. Why do I let myself believe that I'm not loveable?
I'm mad at myself now.
Gotta think some more...