Elana05- I have done volunteering before, a lot of volunteering actually, but I haven't done any for a while because it started getting me a bit down, especially when my train of thought isn't so good. I keep thinking about how I'm always doing this work for free but I can never seem to get a job. But I have been thinking about volunteering with the Salvos, I'm not sure if I will because I am really focusing on getting a job at the moment. As for a hobby group, I don't really know what hobbies I have, I have a few. I tend to go through phases of the things I enjoy, I'll be EXTREMELY into something for a few weeks, and then I won't really be that interested in it at all for months. I tend to enjoy doing my hobbies privately because I can be a real perfectionist.

Well last night I ended up going out with this group of people, for the most part it ended up being a really good time, it was probably the most social I've ever been in years. Literally years. When I was a little tacker I was really outgoing, I used to be able to get up in front of the entire school and loved the attention, I could do anything without being phased. To think I went from that to having an absolute phobia of public speaking, and I get quiet or awkward while with a group of people, and my face going red when I talk to someone.
I did get a little worked up a few times, initially I was only going to go for a few hours and then go home when everyone went to town to drink, but little did I know they were going to drink before that. Someone also smoked weed and was saying casually 'why should I stop, you know?'. I nearly burst into tears, I said to him straight out 'I do NOT want to know, I don't want to SEE it, I don't want to SMELL it, do NOT talk to me about it'. Of course he did keep talking about it, but there was someone else with us who said they were allergic to it. I was pretty livid. The topic of sex came up at one point and someone was talking to me with the complete presumption that I had given and received oral sex. Seeing as I've never even had a RELATIONSHIP, it's not exactly the case. I was trying to evade talking about it before it became apparent that I frankly have no idea and then the questions roll in. I reeeeally didn't want that, I don't want people to know I'm nearly 23 and never had a relationship. I did get questioned 3 times as to why I don't drink, it's very difficult to give an answer, even 'I don't really want to discuss it' isn't enough for some people. And one guy said to me I must have been in an abusive relationship because I'm too attractive to be single without a reason. He had been drinking of course, even though he had initially told me he wouldn't drink at all. He got really aggressive at people when they did so much as accidentally bump into me and not apologise. He has a few issues, but he still weirded me out a little.

But to think even with all of that I actually had a good time.