I feel like I'm going downhill fast... struggling pretty intensely with very low mood, low energy, lack of motivation, crying spells, thoughts of death. I used to feel like I had an anchor in the storm when I faced these things because I had a great therapist. He retired last week. I've seen my new therapist once, and now she's on vacation this week. I feel like I'm completely alone in the world. I almost called a crisis line last night, which I've never done before. I did have coffee with one of my best friends today... but she and her partner have a lot going on in their own lives right now, and generally haven't been very available. My life feels hopeless, like a disaster on so many different levels. What a mess I've made of everything!