Brandy...

Congratulations on the new job. Don't let the fact that it was difficult get you down. Starting a new job is difficult. Hell, a couple months ago I went through the same thing and all I did was transfer from one office to another. Instead of feeling badly, try to recognize the fact that you made it through the day without any major mishaps. Be proud of yourself. You deserve it.

Making friends... that seems to be a problem for almost everyone here. I think that people like us tend to keep others at arms length so that they can't hurt us any more than we already hurt. But the problem with that is that in the end, we find ourselves being quite lonely. You're on the right track. Keep looking for a therapist. When you find one that you're comfortable with and begin therapy and maybe meds (if needed), you'll begin to feel better about yourself. Once you start to feel better, you won't have so much trouble talking to people. And in the meantime, if it means anything, you're doing great here. We're glad to have you.

As far as the boyfriend goes... I'm not so sure if that's as unhealthy as you think. Maybe in the sense that he's the only one you trust, but that doesn't necessarily make your relationship with him unhealthy. But if you do the therapy thing and start to feel better, I'll bet that your relationship with him will be even more rewarding. Again, I wish you the best. Take care and keep us posted on how you're doing.

Ry