it does help, Jexa, thank you. If I think about going but not doing trauma work, I feel like I can breathe. It's hard for me to take the reins in therapy, I always (or almost always) end up deferring to T. I think this time I need to steer the ship.

I'm tempted to call her tonight & tell her what's going on because if she says ok, we don't have to do trauma work, I will breathe a huge sigh of relief. If she doesn't say ok, then I can cancel, lol.

we cross-posted, MUE, thank you for your reply too.

What I'm so afraid of is talking about what we started talking about last week. That last session was hard enough, but now I've had a week of nightmares, flashbacks and obsessive thoughts about it. I've had a week of not sleeping much and being afraid and not going out and basically it has just worn me down. I don't feel like I can go in there tomorrow and talk about it in MORE detail and dig it up even MORE without it just pushing me over the edge completely. I realize that the only way out is through, that I can't stop here and put the lid back on it all, but I do think that taking time to catch my breath isn't the worst idea in the world. I think. Or maybe I'm just avoiding.