My Support Forums - View Single Post

mixedup_emotions · Aug 08, 2010, 07:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sunrise

MUE, how was your T's response unsettling? It sounds like he now understands so much better than before where you were at the time he threatened you with termination. I didn't get to read your letter to him so perhaps I'm not getting the full picture. I think his response sounds OK! It sounds like you two were on completely different pages when he made the threat. Although he didn't say it, I have the feeling that if he had understood better then, he wouldn't have threatened you. I think he could learn a lot from this!

I guess I see it as unsettling because I did not make it clear to him what I was feeling and what I needed, in order for him to respond accordingly. If I was more clear, open, honest, etc. then perhaps things wouldn't have happened the way they did. I can clearly see that by feeling this, I am taking more ownership than I need to.

Yes, but he is the professional therapist, and he should make sure he knows where his client is at before he does something as major as threaten termination.

MUE, I think you're being really hard on yourself. The relationship is two-way. It's not all your responsibility to make things go well with your T. Your T has to do his part too, for example, stopping himself before he comes on so harshly, pausing to check his assumptions before he threatens termination, asking you for clarification on how you're feeling, etc. These are basic communication skills. This is not all on you.

You're absolutely right. HE is the therapist who has been doing this for 20 years. Going straight to threatening termination is just downright scary.

?? What do you mean he responded to your recount of events with distaste? That sounds terrible.

Was this in his response to you? (Sorry, I didn't see it--I came to the thread after you deleted your first post.)

When I explained to T during my session what happened that led to my making an appt. with him, he immediately felt that I was giving up and putting myself in harms way - and out of anger and desperation, he threatened termination...ok, so he says that he wouldn't characterize it as a threat...it was a threat to me. Instead of trying to understand where I was at the time emotionally, what I was feeling, what I needed - he went straight to pushing me to change course with my situation with my neighbor OR ELSE.....It just was awful in so many ways. Blech.

But we're working towards mending things, I guess. He says he has a very strong sense of how I'm feeling towards him right now. Makes me wonder what he's sensing and feeling....and how we will address it at my next session. I don't even want to go at this point. I am going to hate looking him in the eyes and addressing this situation. So much easier for me to do in writing....And it's my last session before going away for 10 days, so I won't see him for 2 weeks. ACK.