You might have read my posting on this, but my T keeps suggesting that when I feel like I'm pretending and feeling better and capable, versus when I am inept and incapable and non-functioning, well he says when I feel like I am pretending is the Real me... and the other is the illness.

The depression isn't suddenly gone because you tried to end your life and it. That was a bump in the road for you, for sure, but it doesn't cure depression! You have to continue with ongoing therapy and work on changing the thinking, that will change the feelings, that will change your view on life. Good wishes... it's work.