((((Bruce))))

My dear friend, tears are falling from our eyes as we read each word more than once. Love is something we are trying to find and trying to accept as it is something we are so afraid of. When love is used between bad and good and is all mixed up and distorted to a child for so long and as she grew and those within held all emotions, all feelings safe within, even into adulthood wondering if love ever really meant anything different it is hard to reach beyond that fear.

Wanting so much to believe and to reach forth but seems each time we reach we are slapped down once again to look back up from the bottom that seems endless. A little girl who always thought love was hurt and pain and that all other little girls that said they were loved were like her to find out that it was not so, that the confusing and twisted love that seemed to be present never stopped even into adulthood.

The child that grew into the adult that reaches out now and questions that fills her mind coming from somewhere within and those that hold those very emotions are real yet with the slightest hope that somehow she will find love that seems to be there but at times keeps taunting from somewhere within from somewhere unknown that seems to reach up and grab her when she is not aware. Feelings somehow start from within subtle at first stepping in before one can catch on that it is even present. Reaching from within to pull away any hope that comes causing the questions to rise once again.

Your words written came very close, very real, and very clear something that we hung onto in hopes that we would someday grasp a hold of and hold close. We are reaching and risking to try. We are trying to change those lies and understand. Words engrained and brainwashed again and again seem to hold on through something within that keeps them screaming loud almost as if to drown out any other words said. Little ones and myself scared to hope for so many times hope disappeared. Those caring and saying they love us makes one ask “Are you sent by them?” For they always said no one can love you and care but your family--setting up anyone else as part of them.

The words you wrote did matter and they were hidden deep within for safety to hold onto when everything gets black, when nothing else makes sense, when no one else is around to hear our cries and silent screams in the dark of the night. We do not question that you care we are just trying to hold onto that you and many are not of those that seem to choke out hope or maybe just block out our ability to see. Your words always touch my heart somewhere that I never knew existed. We hear you and though sometimes we cannot answer it is for safety that we silently hold tight to even the words that someday they will grow from words to something we can understand and accept.

In silence we hold
To that four letter word
In hopes that someday
It is more than just heard.

As one within cries in silence
Another screams silent that scream
And another steps forward
Hiding somewhere in-between.

The despair that is seen
Falling over her face
Seeps out through the tears
That time can’t erase.

Guilt holds a place
In a little ones eyes
The heart breaks again
From the hurt and the lies.

Echoes steps forth
With silence behind
Always protecting the heart
Also saving the mind.

The questions then asked
Open up silent doors
As they stand in the shadows
Protecting the core.

The debt that we hold
Seemed a high price to pay
Our heart could not feel
So we turned away.

The pain that is felt
Deep within our soul
Has over the years
Dug a very deep hole.

The emptiness echoes
Sometimes louder than words
But we somehow hold on
Hoping to someday be heard.

The secrets we’re holding
We’re trying to share
Through reaching and learning
To begin to break the despair.

Each time we reach forward
One word at a time
That hole we are in
We’re beginning to climb.

Though steep and jagged
One slip fall again
But those without reaching
Are helping to mend.

To fill in that hole
That swallows our heart
The hand reaching outward
Has given a start.

The friends that walk with us
Daring to care
That listen with patience
Make it easier to share.

For the first time chancing
And grasping a hold
Whispering the secrets
That have, never been told.

With each word that’s written
We take one step ahead
The darkness is breaking
With each tear we shed.

The hope we hold onto
Begins somehow to grow
Is that what is love
We all want to know.

The secrets we hide
Of the dark purple kind
Hold onto the hope
That love we will find.

To give back to those
Who walk here and care
The love that is hidden
We someday will share.

dps and all within