I can see why you would have problems hooking up with people when you felt you were ostrocized for so long. I have had pent up rage. It came from not having any control in a situation. I felt I couldn't fix what was happening and that I was trapped. The rage is a wild uncontrolable feeling. I don't go into rages that often anymore and I sorta miss it. I had to control my anger so much, keep a lid on it, that most of the time I felt numb. When I went into a rage I definately wasn't numb anymore. It scared me, I was afraid of what I would do but at the same time there was something exhillerating about it. For a short time I was not ZERO and that was a rush. At the same time it took a lot out of me.

What has taken the rage out of this machine? Well I have been working on my self-esteem. As I learn that I am an ok person and that I have personal power I find that I am not trapped. I have started forging new relationships and the rage has subsided.

I talk about rage because you seem extremely angry. I can relate to that because I was so angry for so many years. Hope this helps,
Zen<font color=blue>

Those who know they do not know gain wisdom. Those who pretend they know ramain ignorant. Those who acknowledge their weakness become strong. Those who flaunt their power will lose it. Wisdom and power follow truth above all. For truth is the way of Tao. --from the Tao Te Ching