and thoughts and urges. I will tell my T this week when I see her. I so hope I don't have to go inpatient, because it is pretty desperate right now. It would really put a lot of stress on my partner too. She has such a hard time when I go in. And she doesn't like to visit. She doesn't even know I have been having these thoughts. I don't want to upset her or disappoint her. I am at a loss really at what to do. I might need to go in, and I can't do anything foolish or rash or she will leave me. I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don't want her to be disappointed in me. I know I am.