My Support Forums - View Single Post

zooropa · Aug 09, 2010, 12:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by treehouse

I wonder if this ties into your realization that you need to feel more in control of therapy? Because if YOU cancel, you are in control. YOU decided that there's no session! But if SHE cancels...not so much. Just a thought

And I hear you about pushing so hard in therapy. I did that too, and it was really hard for me to unlearn that. I think I always had this feeling that T might disappear, so I'd better get the story out, and quick.

Remember to let yourself breathe

oh, absolutely, tree! If *I* cancel, well that's my choice. But if T cancels? Cue abandonment triggers like crazy

I've talked about this here before, but I will say it again since I can

but I think part of the reason I feel pressure to hurry up and tell the story is that I really don't have T for an indefinite amount of time. I mean, I have gotten the message from her all along that I have done the basic DBT stuff and now we have 12 weeks to do trauma processing. Granted, we have gone far beyond that 12 weeks now, but I still think she is just trying to get me out the door as quickly as possible. I have told her more than once that I cannot process a lifetime of trauma in 12 weeks, and she finally quit saying that, but that doesn't mean she's quit thinking it. I know I haven't.

So it's a combination of my fears of losing T and the reality that I WILL lose T. That knowledge has colored my therapy from the beginning and I can only imagine how different I would feel if I didn't have that cloud over my head.