Hi there. Personality is something that you cannot change. Trying to change the avoidant aspects of your own personality is in my opinion the road to frustration and even more disappointment when you're suffering from a personality disorder.

I'm no master in living with my avoidant disorder but here are some things that have worked in some degree for me. My contacts are usually consisting of first degree family members and one "special" friend. I never wanted to belong to a group or be a popular person. Maybe that's the schizoid aspect of me playing a role there. Though I sometimes let myself be fooled that I should have many friends like the rest of the world and I can get depressed by isolating myself too much, somewhere I know I'm different. I dont need many contacts, I just need a few maybe only one who to me are completely safe and trustworthy.

I used the term "special friend" because it's not a friendship like most. I only need one person I can rely on. This can only be if I can find enough safety in the relationship I have with that person. Safety as in: being aware of my disorder, accepting it. When I think about it such a friend has to comply with almost impossible expectations from my part. Not to be judgmental, to unconditionally accept me as I am, always be there, not to be there when I want solitude, ...

I sometimes go through great lengths provoking and testing someone to see how safe it is. Eg pushing someone away by being offensive to see if she/he is not scared by it and starts running. I strike pre-emptive out of fear of being left alone/rejected.

Few people will put up with something like that and 99% of the time this results in avoiding someone anyway. I would never approach anyone and make contact irl. On the internet (chatrooms, IM etc) however I can usually remove my first fears and eliminate contacts more comfortably before things get messy/scary like they tend to in real life.