Quote:
Originally Posted by AAAAA
You sound like a wonderful young lady and I am very sorry that there are so many changes happening in your life all at once.
Try not to take this the wrong way, but you are FAR too involved in your parent's personal relationship. I fully understand how this affects you, but you are much too informed on things that should remain between your father and your mother. The parent(s) that is including you in this informational loop is doing you a huge disservice. It has changed your relationship with each of your parents permanently, none of this can be "unlearned" and your role in the family has changed dramatically (as you are already seeing by the changes in these relationships).
I know you have everyone's best interest at heart, but the best thing you can do is set up some boundaries. Let your parents know that you don't belong in the middle. Let them know you're concerned and be supportive within your boundaries.
If either of your parents need professional help (and frankly it sounds like they both do at this point) they have to seek it on their own. I would also recommend that you seek some help yourself. It was beyond unfair for your father to bring this to you. I've been married a long time, a few years longer than your parents, if my husband brought our personal problems to any of our children, not only would my trust in him be permanently damaged but I would never respect him again.
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Once again, thank you for the response. However, I am well aware that I shouldn't be involved in this way. That isn't the problem. But as you said yourself, I can't "unlearn" any of these things. Now I'm in a position where I AM involved and I'm going to do whatever I can to save my family. The biggest issue for me is the fact that I know my mother is acting irrationally. I know that it's quite possible that a few years from now, she may snap out of this mid-life crisis, and I know that it would be such a petty thing to break up our family. Unfortunately, I'm not at a point where I can stay out of it. And honestly, there IS more to it than my parent's relationship. Like I said, this is my mother's mid-life crisis, which has been affecting both me and my brother as well. I don't want to see something like that break up my family. If my dad deserved this, or if my mom had ANY rational argument for leaving my father, I'd be able to justify staying out, but truth is, no one deserves this less than him. One of my greatest fears in life has always been to see my father alone. He doesn't have any close friends and I live far away, so all he'd have is my brother, who is SEVERELY immature for his age. (He has a neurological disorder which leaves him with developing tumors and learning disabilities, among other things.)
But back to your point, a while back, my mother was complaining to me about my father, which is pretty standard stuff in my family, but she was saying how once my brother graduates high school, she was just going to leave him. This REALLY upset me and more out of a way for me to change the subject so I didn't start crying than really believing it, I told her I didn't think I was the person to be talking to that about. Unfortunately, that backfired on me because now she doesn't talk to me about ANYTHING.
I KNOW that it's unfair that my father did this to me. He knows it. But what am I supposed to do when I see him acting completely out of character? NOT ask him how he's doing? NOT listen when he tells me this is the worse he's ever felt about anything in his life? It's bad enough that his wife won't listen and now his daughter won't? I really do appreciate the advice, and honestly, I wish I was strong enough to take it, but I can't look my father in the eyes, see all that hurt, and not be there for him.
Has anybody out there been in a similar situation? With a mother going through a mid-life crisis? How did that affect you? What came out of it?