(((((((((( Petunia and DE )))))))))))) I'm trying. Today was day one again. See how long it last.

I'm still doing the exact same thing now as I was doing those 10 months, Rayna. Going to the same amount of meetings, helping others, pretty much everything I've done since day one of getting clean before. The only difference now is that my sister is back home and it's extremely difficult for me to stay clean when she pushes the ***** in front of my face day in and day out. No, I don't want to be in active addiction any longer. But I also want to have a life outside of NA and going to meetings everyday would put a damper on what positive life I do have. I love NA, I love the people there, but I'd go crazy if I went every single day plus I don't have the gas for that. The closest NA is about 20 minutes away... I spend up to $70 a week on gas now as is. Going to meetings everyday would bump that up to at least $100... That's crazy. Call it an excuse or whatever you want but I just don't have the money to spare right now for all that gas. Trying to get a place of my own and fixing my car right now.

I'm babbling now... Will type more later.