I've spent 15 years with different Ts being rational and distant. It was safe but didn't get me too far. This is the first time I'm attaching in a different way, and yes, it's very scary. I thought I was attached to my other Ts, and I was, but I still kept my distance, both emotional and physical. I was obsessed with them rather than letting us be attached in a normal way. I understand about not wanting T to see you're affected by him. It's the hardest part of therapy, but I think it's where the most growth occurs.