On the phone this morning, my psychologist said the same thing about the psychiatrist getting pissed off: "So what?"

I don't know... maybe I just hate confrontation. I'd rather avoid the situation than face his displeasure. I have the scenario in my mind - I show up, he asks me how things are going... I say "fine," and then he asks me if I'm taking all of my medications... and I say "no." He then proceeds to tell me that I'm being very foolish and that what I am doing is extremely risky, and that he doesn't want me to end up in the hospital again, and that I should have just stayed on the medications he told me to take until I finished school... and so forth. At that point, how am I supposed to ask him to help me get off of the Lexapro?? I think the odds are high that he will "fire" me as a patient because of noncompliance... unless I agree to resume the medications I was taking. Placed in that situation, I might sheepishly agree but likely continue to not comply unless he managed to say something that could undo months of brewing resentment and distrust.

And yes, I am aware that my psychologist overstepped his bounds, but there were reasons that I was stuck with the psychiatrist I've been seeing... Namely that it's extremely difficult to get appointments with psychiatrists where I live - the wait is usually 6-8 weeks - and I was rejected by a couple of other clinics for reasons unknown to me.

I'm beginning to wonder if I'm not in my right mind. This entire situation is quite frustrating for me. I think I feel okay... but underneath the surface, I think I am very, very confused, and wishing desperately for an expert/authority figure that I can really whole-heartedly trust. I'm not so sure of myself any more, and that's not a happy feeling because I feel like I have no one to run to for help.

I jumped out of the plane and now I'm realizing that my home-made parachute is not as big or as tough as I thought...