I am depressed, and it doesn't help that I am enrolled in an accelerated nursing program that is psychologically draining. I don't seem to have the drive to want to be with my husband and every time I try to vent about my school, he does not seem to want to hear it. He just seems to want to give a solution as to how to fix it and I feel like I should refrain from complaining unless I can find a way to fix the issue or just suck it up an deal with it.
He isn't a monster. he is a sweetheart but I don't know if it is a combination of him not wanting to go to a sad place because of his childhood and me coming from a childhood of very weak parents and wishy washy self doubting parents. I was not exactly brought up to be the go getter. It is very hard for me socially to get out there and assert myself and stick up for myself. I feel that people that are not like me do not understand how someone could be so "weak".
If only I knew how to not be weak. I would do it if I could. so here we are, fighting every time we talk to each other. I feel like I stop clenching my teeth when he is out of town and I am tense when he is here. I love him and I just wish we could be happy together, but I am afraid that I am so messed up and sad, timid, and weak that I should just be alone. I feel like I should not ever be in a relationship ever again.
I just wish I could disappear.