Ok, this is my first post and I'm feeling very desperate and, thus, vulnerable so, please, no harsh responses. I'm having a problem that horrifies me and it's ALL my doing. I have a 6 yr. old daughter. Anyone who's a parent knows that one would kill or die for their child, without hesitation and I am not exceptional in sharing that conviction. I am a protective mother, I teach caution to my child and it devastates me to see her cry when she's hurt and to feel her sobs and shudders. Why then, will somebody please explain this to me, why when she gets hurt is my first response one of anger at her? Not hugs, not kisses, not "there there's", not cookies and milk. Case in point, today I shut the car door and at the last second she put her hand in it. The door slammed on one of her fingers. And she immediately began crying, of course.....I would too! Why then did I respond, startled, "Why did you do that?!" I've responded this way before and it's terrible and I'm sure it sends her such an uncaring message when nothing could be further from the truth. At the instant I hear her crying, those little hairs on the back of my neck stand right up and my adrenaline shoots through the roof and I feel....fear. None of that gets conveyed. What gets shown her is that I'm uncaring, mad at her for getting hurt, irritated. I don't want to respond like that, I don't want to make her feel worse. The next steps after this happens are: I pull her to me, I go through the motions of making her feel comforted but inside I feel like so much could have been prevented and I'm not angry at her anymore, I'm angry with myself. I'm stiff. I'm not very convincing in the soothing dept. until a few minutes have passed and then something close to mourning is what I feel right as I begin to authentically sooth her from her point of view instead of mine. I don't understand this and even if I never understood it, can it just stop, can I just not be this way? It eats me up inside and this is just not a failure I want on my parental record. Any advice would be so helpful. Thank you!