Just got home from my therapy appointment.
I'm not sure what to say.
As it turns out, he actually told me that he was resisting lecturing me
himself. He was very concerned that I am jeopardizing my career unnecessarily, and encouraged me to think about whether being off medications was more of a priority than keeping my career. He says he understands my motivation, but states that the timing was not right.
I thought he was on board, but it was pretty clear at my visit tonight that I misunderstood.
Completely.
Of course, he has to protect himself, and he was very clear that I HAD to tell the psychiatrist... because if something went wrong and he was the only one who knew that I had altered my medications, he would be ethically and legally liable. Understandably, the situation was making him very nervous, but I still can't help but feel a little like he helped lead me to this point, then bailed on me and left me hanging.
What does he want me to do? He wants me to go see the psychiatrist on Friday and tell him what I did... and emphasize to him that I feel better. Show up, deal with the lecture, and make the relationship more of a "just in case something goes wrong" sort of deal. He [the psychologist] really doesn't like the idea of me messing with my medications without having anyone to call upon in case trouble arises. That is a fair concern.
Will I go to the appointment on Friday? That's a definite maybe. I might go if only to ease the ethical/legal concerns of my psychologist who actually appeared legitimately anxious today... because I'm nice like that.
*sigh* What a mess.
