My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now, and I've dealt with my good share of trust issues since. When I met him, I was intrigued by his happy-go-lucky ways. I began to date him, mainly for me, I just wanted to have some fun. As our relationship grew, I began to feel strong feelings for him. This is when I wanted to stop partying and start having a serious relationship. Long story short, he's come a long way. He stopped doing drugs, drinking as often, and got back in school. He has matured a lot. However, throughout this experience, I've struggled with his slip-ups along the way like lying, flirting, talking about other women, etc. There have been occasions where at parties, he completely ditches me and mingles on his own or with his friends. I end up finding him looking flirty with other women. He's also lied to me on various occasions. Once, he went out to look for a job and I didn't hear from him until 2am when he came back drunk and he gets drunk it's horrible. He was beligerant and had gone to the bar with his friends instead. I know people say things they don't mean when they're drunk, but he usually blames me for trying to "change" him or saying that I'm taking him away from his friends. Another occasion has been when we were on a break, where he claimed he was at home for those 2 days we were apart. The next day after we got back together, I logged onto my myspace and saw that a girl had tagged a picture of one of his friends at a bar, and saw my boyfriend was in the picture with a beer in his hand. It's shady situations like this regarding women and lying that lost my trust.

Onto the issue, he recently started a new job where he has to work long shifts and closes Fri and Sat. As dumb as it sounds I get anxiety every time he starts a new class at school or job because I feel like he's going to get close to other women and leave me. I don't trust him 100%, and dealing with this anxiety is really hard. I need advice as to how to deal with it. I really do love him and I feel like my insecurities hold me back. I feel as though I'm holding a grudge for everything that he's done wrong and won't let it go, which is what he thinks. I feel as though I haven't found peace or haven't forgiven. I really just want to feel SECURITY in my relationship. I know relationships are never for sure, you just have to work at it, but I really need to stop looking over my shoulder or holding my guard up. I want to feel confident that he won't hurt me again. Help!