Okay, you're feeling a lot here! I'm going to try and break this down for you. This is just stuff to think about.

You said you had these worries:

" can't go to the doctors. It's too scary.
> What if they make fun of me?
> What if they tell my parents?
> What if they lock me away somewhere?
> What if they put me on medication and I have to tell college about it?
> What if they make me go see someone and have to tell everything to?
> What if it makes my health records look bad?"

So number 1. You worry that you will be made fun of?
What do you visualize the doctor making fun of?

2-3 I don't know much about, but I would venture to think
confidentiality would be kept; you think they would lock you up?

It would be discriminating for a college to look down on you for
using a medication (if you are given one), and as for health records/college, you can use your past hardships to your advantage, sometimes you can even get scholarships.

Psychologists have this paper you have the "option" of signing,
but if you don't, none of your records will even be released at all,
you would have to ask about that though, not sure if all policies are the same.

I'm out of order here, but why the anxiety around having to
tell someone everything? Is it the above worries about
your parents/school/health records finding out, or is there more than that?

Your initial concern was guilt; are you able to identify that for yourself?

Also, I think this is very important,

Are you still thinking about commiting suicide?

Few questions I just want you to go through and think about here....

1. Do you have a plan?

2. Do you know when and how you are going to carry this out?

3.When you think about committing suicide, have you ever gotten the urge to "get up" and go do it?
If so, how far did you go, and what stopped you?

To know where you are could save your life.
Do you feel like it's not worth it anymore?
What images run through your mind, and what thought,
hurt/pain sticks out the most?

And I fear overloading you here, so I'll ask about this last line.

"Again, sorry for taking up the space on this board. I know you all have better things to do than talk to me.
So how are you anyway?
Bye. "

Man, you have so much craziness going on in your life, and it surprizes me to see you feeling "selfish" for asking for some help with your load. Do you feel you are not worth it? If so, how come?

Yeah, this was a lot, I hope you eventually are able to feel comfortable enough to allow yourself the opportunity to have someone truly listen to you, and I strongly advise you to find people in your life that can. We as humans are not meant to go through this stuff alone, ya know?

Take care.