Don't ever let yourself feel that way, because when you do THAT'S when you never stop. It is hard sometimes, the thought of it still gives me chills and like I said, it does make me want to relapse. The memories of it will last forever, for both of us. For me, it's a memory that is still so real, but a memory I am not afraid of anymore. It's something we have to beat. I was able to beat it, and trust me, if I can ANYONE can. Don't get mad at yourself when you relapse, it's going to happen. I haven't met anyone who could quit cold turkey. You'll be able to do it. The best thing to do is not think about it. When you're feeling the triggers try to do something else. Listen to some music, close your eyes and imagine something you really enjoy (besides that, of course), anything that can get your mind off of it. I know it's hard buddy, but you can do it. I know you can. Just never tell yourself it's all or nothing. Give it time. You have to work on it in your own mind and tell your own self that it will be alright, but when you fall down you get back up. That's all you have to do, and it's good to turn all of the guilt and emotions into goals. That's what I was able to do and I really hope it works out for you. If you ever need to talk more about it, you can PM me. I am very open about it now that it's been so long since I've done it. One day you will be me talking to other people trying to show them that it's going to be OK and that they will be able to stop it too. I promise .