Wow, these replies have really moved me. You have helped me put into words what I've been trying to say...practically screaming for him to hear.
You're 100% right when you guessed that my children were everything to me. They were and still are. But, they're grown. My husband and I loved each other very much at one point.
I do still love him, but it's being overshadowed by the stress/anxiety I feel by not "feeling" loved by him. I'm beginning to feel very resentful towards him for this lack of affection and his constant abuse. I have no self esteem.
Thank you all for your input. We had another big blow up this morning over this doll. I've made another post if you care to read it.