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Originally Posted by peaches100
Is it just me, or do others feel that the hurt and disappointments in the therapy relationship outweigh the good feelings of connection?
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For me, the good outweighs the bad. I think some of us have an easier time of it than others, for whatever reasons.
Quote:
Originally Posted by peaches100
In my therapy, as good as i feel sometimes with her, it seems that 3/4 of time is spent trying to resolve misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
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I think the misunderstandings can sometimes be helped by really working on communication skills. Do you and your T work on communication? What I mean is things like being direct (saying what you mean to the other person, face to face), not jumping to conclusions, verifying assumptions with the other person, etc. Speaking for myself, a lot of the time my assumptions about what a person is thinking or why they did or said something are way, way worse than the truth. I have to train myself to not let myself make those assumptions and ask the person directly about their intent. This is very hard to do if you are not used to it. I'm still not good at it, but I am getting better... Peaches, do you think that 3/4 figure has changed any since you first began therapy?
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Originally Posted by peaches100
I thought it was supposed to be about having an "emotionally corrective experience," where the client learned that t would not hurt them the way other people in their lives did. But experiences with my t just keep re-enacting my feelings of rejection and abandonment.
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But you also have many experiences with your T where the rejection and abandonment you felt was happening turned out not to be true and things went really well, and your T said things to you that made you feel good. I think it is that sort of thing that is supposed to be emotionally corrective. What I see sometimes when people post about things in therapy that have potential to be emotionally corrective is that they leave those experiences behind too quickly and don't allow the "correction" to "take." They are immediately worrying and thinking about some other potential problem with their therapist instead of slowing down to bask in the good feelings of their latest success in therapy. (I'm making this as a broad observation, not particularly aimed at what goes on in your therapy, peaches.) So I think those emotionally corrective experiences may be lurking there and we have to savor them and let them take hold.
I'm sorry things are so difficult now with your T relationship, peaches. Maybe you can set aside a session just for celebrating your successes and progress together. It could be a time when you reminisce: "remember when..."
