Hey Turquoisesea,

1. Finding trying to be "normal" like everyone else is getting harder and harder... Some days I just feel I am far too out of thsi world to fit into human life on earth

2. Finding keeping the smile on my face when all I wanna do is sleep and cry or sleep or just be sad is hard. Everyone looks ar me now and I feel I have to have my mask on at all times

3. My friends I drive away and I feel I have caused all of this. I have to insult people when I feel comfortable and or safe with them. Which makes people get annoyed at me and leave me

4. People always leave me

5. I have days where I refuse to take my med and other days I look forward to taking it

6. Having to see a Psychiatrist but really not wanting to. But at the same time I wnat to

7. Frustrated at whats wrong with me.... no one knows

8. Hiding it all and not telling people so I dont have to face the fact I am not doing as well as I am protraying

I just feel I can't do anything right and its always all wrong no matter what I do

People are waiting for me to screw up and I know they are... I am maintaining not to screw things up though

Thursday afternoon my manager called me into the office and offered me the role of Key Worker for 1 of my guys I work with. This means I have more responsibility and means work trusts me again