I've been out of work for two years except for two blissful months as a caregiver. I'm back out of work again because my patient has had to move to hospital care. I feel utterly useless. I have no friends ergo no personal references. I'm very reserved and I have trust issues. I work hard but that's not usually enough. I tend to cry when I'm angry and don't handle criticism well. I've been through counselling that had limited results over long periods of time. 'To little, to late' describes that experience well. I was raped as a child. My trust issues are well justified. Family is tired of trying to help. I'm living at my sister's place but she'd rather I didn't.

In short, I don't know what to do. I really am trying. I get no call backs to my applications. Wouldn't expect to really. I'm morbidly obese. Appearance matters more than ever when looking for work. I'm trying to lose weight though stress is making that difficult. Anxiety and depression go untreated because I have no money.

I use meditation when I can. The more I need it, the harder it is to get to that peaceful place. I don't even have advocats in the family. My sister was my mother's favorite, my brother is my father's favorite. Thus my mousy personality. I'm looking to connect with people here that might have an encouraging word. Don't really have anywhere else to turn.

Thanks