Seems to be all I can accomplish as of late. I found out yesterday that my surgery got postponed......again. I'm not quite sure when I will be having it now. Hopefully, they will call me back today. Apparently, some lab test came back weird or something, and my surgeon wants another surgeon there. It was already postponed the first time, b/c of the scheduling of another surgeon. So now I'll get 3 surgeons poking around inside me.

I really enjoy how back in April, when they first found the mass, they said it would be nothing, and here it is in AUGUST, that i'm having a massive surgery to get the mass removed. I'm glad that I had absolutely nothing to do for the past 4 months, while the doctors have been trying to figure themselves out. It's especially great for my mental status, especially as of late. *sarcasm*

In the past week, I've been having pretty much daily meltdowns, of some sort. Monday night I got so overwhelmed, I did some SI. so, so, so, so, stupid. since then I haven't done it again, but it's so hard to not do it, once you've done it. I saw my T on Wednesday, and told him about it, and how ashamed i was that i had let it happen. Since then, I've been trying to hold myself more accountable and it's been 4 days without any SI.

I've also not been able to sleep lately, because i've been in a lot of pain. It seems like 4 hours is the max, that i can get at one time because I wake up in pain. Tonight it was a headache that woke me up. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to take my mobic (anti-inflammatory) since Sunday, b/c you have to be off of it for a week b4 surgery and since I don't know when they are going to reschedule it, i still can't take any. I've been taking tylenol, but that's kind of like taking sugar pills, and it only dulls the pain.