Peaches, I'm sorry you are finding the t relationship more painful than helpful right now.

I can't say I can really relate as my t and I just don't have those kind of ruptures, but my guess is that through learning to negotiate your way through those ruptures you are learning to stand up for yourself and voice your needs. The other thing you are hopefully learning is to negotiate your own thinking when it might not be entirely proportional or rational. Be patient with yourself. You have a good t and you'll work your way through this stage.